I've found a magic bullet.  I'm sure many of you already have this life skill, and to you I tip my hat.  This has not been something that has come easily to me or, if I'm being honest, even made much sense in the past.  I've heard variations of it taught before, but I think I'm finally on the precipice of really embodying the concept and learning how to use it to my advantage.
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​In a nutshell, I'm learning how not to be bothered.

As simple as that may sound, it isn't.  I've come close in the past, but usually I'm successful at not being bothered when the stakes are low, such as when faced with challenging personalities or the behavior of strangers.  When the stakes feel higher, such as a disagreement with a close friend or family member, all bets are off.

Perhaps you've been there too.  The closer we are to someone, seemingly the more capable they are of triggering us in all the ways.  Even though we love them, they somehow know exactly which buttons to push from time to time.  And even though we know intellectually that we're all individuals with different brains, experiences, opinions, and personalities, we still seem to subconsciously believe that the people closest to us should think, behave, understand, and feel at least somewhat like we do.

It's the whole "wouldn't it be nice if everyone were just like me?" syndrome.

I'm convinced that many people live with some version of this mentality their entire lives.  Cognitively, we understand that we're different people, but when push comes to shove and something critically important comes up, such as who actually knows the correct way to load the dishwasher, suddenly there is nothing more important than being right.  We may turn it into a joke, but underneath the joke there is often a genuine need to justify our position.

And therein lies both the problem and the solution.

When we feel a strong need to justify ourselves, it often has more to do with something happening inside us than with the issue itself.  Maybe you're right.  Maybe you're wrong.  Maybe there is something you can learn from the other person, and maybe there isn't.  The important part is being open to the possibility that nobody, including you, is perfect.  When you begin letting go of the need to justify your position or convince someone else to see things your way, conflict suddenly has far less energy available to keep itself alive.

That doesn't mean never speaking up.  If something doesn't feel right, I can communicate that when necessary.  What I'm learning, though, is that I don't need the other person to agree with me, validate me, or change their perspective in order for me to return to my own inner peace.

That's a big difference.

Most arguments seem to stall somewhere between "I'm right" and "you're wrong."  What I'm practicing instead is allowing another person to have their own words, reactions, and opinions while taking responsibility for what happens inside me.  Sometimes that means taking a few deep breaths and reminding myself that I can sit with the tension without immediately fixing it.  So far, I've noticed that when I do this, the tension dissipates surprisingly quickly, and I'm able to return to my day without carrying the interaction around with me.

From an energetic perspective, this makes a lot of sense.  Thoughts and emotions are energy, and whatever we repeatedly think about, defend, rehearse, or resent continues to receive energy from us.  Master Choa Kok Sui taught that energy follows thought.  When we continually replay a disagreement or build a case for our own righteousness, we're literally continuing to energize the conflict long after the actual conversation has ended.