How much time and energy would you say you spend reflecting on the past? I'm not just talking about years ago. I mean yesterday...or even five minutes ago.

See if this sounds familiar.  You find yourself in a situation with someone, and because we're all human, with different perspectives, opinions, and personalities, the exchange doesn't go quite as smoothly as you expected.  In fact, you

may not have given it any thought beforehand because you subconsciously assumed things would go well. Then, bam. Something is said. A certain look is given. Words are exchanged. Confusion sets in. Suddenly you're left thinking, "What in the world was that freight train of an experience?"

What if I told you the problem was you?  And not to pick on you, because often the problem is me too.  The truth is that the only person we can ever control is ourselves.  Yet whenever we're involved in an unsettling interaction with another person, it's easy for heavy energies to accumulate.  Those energies can linger for an hour, a day, a week, or even a lifetime if the situation is significant enough.

One reason this happens is because thoughts are energy.  We naturally gravitate toward people who think similarly to us, which is why many of our closest relationships are built on shared values and perspectives.  But when we encounter someone whose perspective clashes with our own, something interesting happens.  A single thought quickly becomes many thoughts.  One comment leads to our interpretation of it.  That interpretation gives rise to more thoughts, emotions, judgments, and reactions until we've created an entire energetic structure around a conversation that may have lasted only a few minutes.

In Pranic Healing, Master Choa Kok Sui taught that repeated thoughts and emotions create thoughtforms, which are actual energetic patterns that become stronger the more attention we give them.  The longer we replay an interaction in our minds, the more energy we feed it.  But it doesn't have to be this way.

I've been reflecting on a story about the Buddha after having one of these exchanges with someone new in my own life.  The Buddha was teaching a group of people when one man became so angry that he walked up and spit in his face.  The man eventually left, but later that night he reflected on what he had done and was filled with remorse.  The following day he returned, emotionally distraught, hoping to apologize.

When he approached the Buddha, the Buddha calmly responded, "It's okay. Who are you?"

The first time I heard that story, it completely blew me away.  Not only did the Buddha refuse to carry resentment toward someone who had literally spit in his face, he didn't continue carrying the experience at all.  Personally, if someone spit in my face, I would have a hard time not remembering them forever.  But that's exactly the beauty of the teaching.  We are not meant to live in yesterday, and yesterday may have been only five minutes ago.

When we replay conversations, rehearse arguments, or create stories about how we've been wronged, we energize thoughtforms that are unhealthy for us.  This isn't to say we should excuse poor behavior or go around treating people badly ourselves.  But when your intentions are kind, loving, and sincere, and someone responds with anger, criticism, or disrespect, it is often in your best interest to let it go.  Not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.

How someone responds to your kindness is ultimately none of your business.  Their response belongs to them, while your response belongs to you.  Master Choa Kok Sui often reminded his students that thoughts, emotions, and words carry energy. We influence one another energetically, but we also have the ability to choose which energies we continue to energize within ourselves.

The Buddha illustrated this beautifully with another teaching. If someone offers you a gift and you refuse to accept it, who does the gift belong to?

The giver.

Someone may offer criticism, anger, resentment, or hatred.  They may even offer disrespect.  But you still have a choice about whether you accept the gift.  When you don't, it remains with the giver, while your own peace remains with you.

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